Pairing: KyuHae [Kyuhyun/Donghae]
Rating: R [NC-17 in some chapters]
Disclaimer: I don’t own anyone.
Summary: He didn’t want Kyuhyun to just take his breath away. He wanted him to snatch it away, take it by force. Smother him.
1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 // 9 // 10 // 11 // 12 // 13 // 14 // 15 // 16 // 17 // 18 // 19 // 20 // 21 // 22 // Epilogue
“Donghae? Earth to Donghae.”
“I think you should go home.”
Donghae blinked and looked up at his math teacher. “Sorry. I was spaced out. What did you say?”
“I was just saying that I think you should go home already. You’re not focused today,” the man said, scratching his beard and gazing at the paper that only he had written on.
“Oh.” Donghae looked to the door with slight paranoia. “Okay.”
At his house, he sat on the couch and stared blankly at the television. Maybe he looked completely brain-dead, completely on another planet. But his mind was racing, his thoughts going haywire and scattering every which way. He couldn’t see past the haze of unidentifiable but most definitely negative emotions.
Donghae didn’t looked up at this mother as she sighed and sat on the couch next to him. An arm around his shoulder squeezed gently and a hand patted his knee.
“Is it Kyuhyun?”
It’s always Kyuhyun. He shook his head. “I’m just tired.”
“Look, I...” She trailed off, unable to formulate her words. She inhaled deeply before speaking again. “I think I have an idea… about what’s going on.”
He didn’t have enough energy to even be shocked. Or terrified.
“This… thing you have with Kyuhyun. It’s not friends, is it? It’s more. Is it, Donghae? Am I wrong?”
Donghae didn’t reply.
“It’s okay, you know. There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with Kyuhyun.”
“Yes there is,” Donghae whispered brokenly. “There’s a lot of things wrong with Kyuhyun.”
“I know you guys fight. And when I say this, it’s not because you’re –” she cleared her throat “– gay. I don’t like this relationship. It’s not a good situation, if you know what I mean.”
“I know,” Donghae said, looking down at his lap. His mom’s hand stroked his shoulder reassuringly.
“I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but it makes sense now. I just want to let you know that I hate seeing you like this. Eat something. Please. And sleep. Get some sleep, Donghae. For me. And for the love of God, call that bastard.”
The words slammed into his mind, an as if waking him from a trance, he looked to his mom with awe. She gave him a knowing look as she stood up and went to her room.
He started by eating. Then he took a fitful nap, waking up every few seconds when a car would drive by outside. Once he gave up on that, he picked up his phone.
“Hello?” Kyuhyun answered.
“Stay the night with me.”
Donghae gathered his things and left. As he walked into Kyuhyun’s room, he felt his heart clench at the sight of him. He looked like he’d been to hell and back, his hair unkempt and clothes disheveled. His eyes had large, dreary bags under them and they’d lost their mischievous glimmer. He crossed the room and like he hadn’t seen Kyuhyun in year, folded his arms around his ribcage and buried is face in his neck.
“Why did you leave?” he asked.
Kyuhyun leaned in and kissed Donghae, stealing his breath away.
“Why did you say that stuff?” Donghae asked.
Kyuhyun pulled him to sit on his lap on the bed, arms wrapped tight around Donghae.
“Why won’t you talk to me?”
A hand ran up Donghae’s back soothingly, the other massaging his outer thigh as he sat straddling Kyuhyun’s waist. Kyuhyun tilted his head down and kissed Donghae’s neck.
“What do you want me to say?” Kyuhyun asked quietly.
“Say you were wrong. Say you’re sorry,” Donghae whispered. “Say you love me.”
“I was wrong. I’m sorry. I love you.” Completely emotionless.
Donghae shook his head with disbelief. He pushed at Kyuhyun, but two arms trapped him as he tried to back away. “I hate you.”
“But you’ll never leave me.”
Donghae swallowed. Could he lie, he wondered. Could he convince himself otherwise, he figured. It wasn’t like Donghae didn’t already know. It wasn’t like Kyuhyun didn’t already know, either.
“I won’t,” Donghae breathed.
“You’re mine,” Kyuhyun said.
Kyuhyun’s arms tightened around his waist. “I’m not crazy. Say it.”
“You’re not crazy. You’re perfect.”
“So now you’re officially stuck in all that,” Sungmin said with finalization as Donghae finished explaining everything, releasing his thoughts and feelings. They sat on the bleachers as everyone else ate in the cafeteria.
“I’ve been stuck,” Donghae stated. “Now it’s just been said.”
“Like a verbal contract,” Sungmin said and shrugged. “I think maybe that’s what Kyuhyun wanted all along. Even if he is bipolar, he’s still an asshole.”
“What good did saying he’s bipolar do?” Donghae inquired angrily. “I can’t do anything about it. And half of the shit he does is him, not his mood-swings.”
“Well at least now you know it’s not all his fault. Now you have a reason to try to cope with it. Because maybe someday he’ll see what you and I do and try to fix it for himself,” Sungmin said. “Obviously he’s an asshole, but you’re in love with that. You can’t change that. But he would get better. No more hitting. No more violence.”
Donghae nodded, slowly trying to accept what Sungmin said.
“But it’s going to be hard.”
Donghae chewed on his lip for a moment and then exhaled. “It’s been hard since day one.”
And it always would be.