Chapter Nineteen

Donghae ended up going almost directly to Kyuhyun’s house after school. As he walked through the door, Kyuhyun’s mom greeted him with a smile.

“Hey, Donghae,” she called. Her husband sat at the table next to her as she stood to walk up to Donghae. “We were just getting ready to go out to eat for Kyuhyun’s birthday. Are you coming with us?”

He hadn’t even known of Kyuhyun’s birthday. He knew he looked slightly bewildered as Kyuhyun’s mom waited expectantly for an answer. “Um… I don’t know.”

“He’s coming,” Kyuhyun stated as he appeared in the living room doorway.

“Oh okay. You two can ride with us if you want,” Kyuhyun’s mom said as she pulled on a fur coat. Next to her, Mr. Cho rose from his chair and straightened his tie, and across the room Kyuhyun finished buttoning a baby blue dress shirt.

Donghae’s palms slid over the pockets of his faded blue jeans and his thin gray long-sleeved t-shirt as he realized how underdressed he was.

“No, we’ll take my car,” Kyuhyun said as he picked up his car keys from the kitchen table.

“Alright, hun. See you when we get there,” Kyuhyun’s mom cooed as she patted their shoulders and passed by them to the front door.

Once Kyuhyun’s parents had left, Donghae looked up at Kyuhyun and tried to measure the mood he was in. He seemed impatient by the way he ran a hand through his hair, but at the same time a bit relaxed by the way he set his eyes level and calm with Donghae’s.

“You dressed inadequately,” Kyuhyun said.

“I didn’t know we were going anywhere,” Donghae defended.

“Alright. Anyways, let’s go.” Kyuhyun stepped up and leaned down, placing a kiss on Donghae’s lips for a brief, intense moment before turning and grabbing his jacket before heading out the door.

Donghae sat in the car next to Kyuhyun, twiddling his thumbs to pass time as they followed Mr. and Mrs. Cho to the restaurant. “Where are we going?” he asked, trying to sound casual.

“Some French place,” Kyuhyun replied. “I think we’re meeting my grandparents, too. Maybe my uncle and his wife.”

An awkward silence fell and Donghae sighed quietly and drummed his fingers on his knee. “You look… good.”

Kyuhyun said nothing, only stared off down the road with an irritated look on his face.

“Something wrong?” Donghae asked.

“No,” Kyuhyun answered curtly.

Although Kyuhyun had made it obvious that something was in fact wrong, Donghae let it drop. They parked next to Kyuhyun’s parents and Donghae trailed behind them inside the building. Inside, he slid into a chair at a long table next to Kyuhyun and tried not to look as uncomfortable as he felt. He liked Kyuhyun’s parents a lot – and they seemed to like him just fine – but he felt out of place.

Not to mention he hadn’t gotten anything for Kyuhyun.

“So, Donghae, Kyuhyun told us you ran cross country together?” Mrs. Cho said, just to start conversation as Kyuhyun’s grandparents appeared and settled into the two empty chairs at the end of the table.

“Yeah, we did,” Donghae replied, his shyness keeping him from meeting her eyes as he spoke.

“Are you planning on running track, too?” she asked, smiling with half of her mouth that vaguely resembled an expression he knew all too well.

“No, ma’am,” Donghae said. “I got out of athletics.”

Kyuhyun’s mom nodded slowly with understanding and then turned to her husband to converse.

“Why are you so nervous?” Kyuhyun’s voice was right next to his ear, the heat of his breath making him swallow a gasp.

Donghae turned to look at Kyuhyun, their faces close. “I’m not nervous,” he whispered, then cut his eyes to Kyuhyun’s parents and grandparents. The conversation at the table was light, loud, and airy and no one was paying them any attention. A few other members of Kyuhyun’s family had dawdled along to the table and sat down to join in.

“What are you ordering?” Kyuhyun asked, pulling a menu to lean in and flatten it on the table between the two of them.

Donghae glanced over the menu for a few moments and frowned. “I don’t know what any of this is,” he said with a snort.

Kyuhyun pointed to a title on the menu. “This is good,” he said and then ran his finger across the description. “I think you’d like it.”

“What – does it have strawberries in it or something?” Donghae asked, looking up at Kyuhyun from under his eyelashes with unintentional endearment in his eyes. He flushed and looked away when he realized that people might see him ogling Kyuhyun.

“No, actually. It’s just a steak,” Kyuhyun said.

“Sounds good,” Donghae said. Then he noticed the price. “Hey, I don’t have any money so…”

“You’re a guest. Don’t worry about it.” Kyuhyun patted his thigh and then his hand lingered for a while and fear coursed through Donghae as he looked up for wandering eyes.

He pulled his leg away, and Kyuhyun’s hand slid off and then wound around the back of his chair as he leaned over.

“What are you doing?” Donghae hissed, looking everywhere but at Kyuhyun as if it might make the scene look less incriminating.

“Calm down,” Kyuhyun mumbled. “Do you want an appetizer? Soup?”

Donghae shook his head. “I think the fifty dollar entree is enough.”

Smirking, Kyuhyun closed the menu with one hand and pushed it away. A waiter set their drinks down on the table and he picked his up to take a sip. “Is it because you’re wearing jeans?” Kyuhyun asked, referring to Donghae’s nervousness.

Donghae looked around at the patrons clad in pressed slacks and dresses and shrugged. “At least people won’t get the wrong idea that I’m rich or something.”

Kyuhyun leaned in and pressed his mouth to Donghae’s cheek within a dangerous proximity of his lips. He leaned away at the same time he sought out Mrs. Cho’s eyes and felt his stomach clench as he met her stare head-on. She’d definitely seen that.

In a flurry of agitation and utter embarrassment, Donghae mumbled a barely audible excuse as he stood rather abruptly from the table and hurried away. He felt a hand on his arm trying to slow him down as he made for the restrooms, but ignored it and kept walking until he’d made through the swinging door.

Kyuhyun’s reflection appeared behind his own in the bathroom mirror as he walked inside.

“What the hell?” Donghae hissed, motioning hastily at the doorway.

Kyuhyun wordlessly grabbed Donghae’s hand and pulled him into the nearest bathroom stall. As soon as the lock clicked, Donghae’s back pressed against the door and Kyuhyun melded their bodies together. “Calm down,” he murmured just before his lips closed over Donghae’s.

Donghae broke the kiss only seconds later. “You-you can’t just do stuff like that right in front of them!” he hissed.

“Hush,” Kyuhyun ordered. “They already know.”

He could literally feel his stomach drop at the news. “What?” he demanded, though trying to keep his voice low. “Oh, hell. Oh, shit. They know? How? Why?” he sputtered, but Kyuhyun only sucked on his neck and pressed kisses up towards his mouth.

“I told them. It’s fine.” Kyuhyun’s tongue slid into Donghae’s mouth and his hands dipped down to cradle his ass.

A door swung open from outside the stall and Donghae froze, swallowing hard as he heard footsteps across the tiled floor. Kyuhyun’s mouth never stopped, even as the person relieved themselves and then left.

“Kyuhyun,” Donghae breathed. He wasn’t letting this conversation die just yet. “Oh my gosh. They’re going to tell my mom.”

“They won’t. It’s none of their business to tell her,” Kyuhyun stated with finalization. “Now relax. My grandparents probably know, too. Who cares?”

“What did you tell them?” Donghae asked.

“The truth,” Kyuhyun answered. “That we’re together.”

The statement broke through his thoughts of dread at Kyuhyun’s parents knowing. It made him feel warm, made his smile involuntarily appear on his face. Kyuhyun acknowledging that they were together without Donghae pestering him endlessly about it? A miracle.

“We’re together?” Donghae’s hands grasped Kyuhyun’s shirt like a lifeline as a hot mouth and tongue caressed the skin of his neck.

“Yeah. You’re mine, remember?”

All too well, Donghae remembered. He inhaled and let his palms flatten and slide down Kyuhyun’s chest over his smooth dress shirt.

“Feel better now?” Kyuhyun asked, his voice barely a whisper against his ear as his nose nuzzle Donghae’s hair.

Donghae nodded shortly, straightening so that his weight was off the stall door.

Kyuhyun stood in front of him, his eyes moving over Donghae’s face in languid contemplation. Their eyes locked gazes and Donghae’s breath stopped as he felt that rush of claustrophobia that came with Kyuhyun’s heavy, dark eyes.

It was moments like these, where Kyuhyun seemed almost entirely enraptured in him ­– Donghae, no one else – that made him wonder if maybe his love was returned. In these long moments of silence, of mutual focus, Donghae could see more than just raw lust in Kyuhyun’s brown eyes, more than just the flimsy “I like you” that he claimed. 

Kyuhyun flicked the lock back and they moved away from the door simultaneously to leave the bathroom. As they sat back down at the table, Donghae couldn’t bear to look Mr. and Mrs. Cho in the eyes. He supposed he could look on the brighter side and just be happy that he seemed so accepting.

He ended up loving the steak thing that Kyuhyun ordered for him and even tried some of what Kyuhyun had. Kyuhyun’s grandparents asked him a few good-natured questions and he answered a bit bashfully, but they seemed to adore him.

On their way out of the restaurant, Kyuhyun’s grandmother grabbed him up in a hug and patted his face with a soft, frail hand and a wrinkled smile on her face. She smelled a lot like his grandmother on his dad’s side had from what he could remember. He ended up accepting another hug from her just to get another breath of her nostalgic perfume.

He fell asleep on the way to Kyuhyun’s house and woke to the porch light bearing down on his closed eyelids. He groggily got out of the car and somehow Kyuhyun met him at his door before he could even take two steps away. They wrapped their arms around each other, though Donghae couldn’t really be sure if he’d just fallen against Kyuhyun.

“Don’t fall asleep on the way home,” Kyuhyun said with amusement as his hand brushed over Donghae’s cheek.

The kiss moments later might have left him more breathless if he had been more awake. Nonetheless, he smiled stupidly and bade Kyuhyun goodnight before meandering over to his own car to go home.

.-.-.

He’d made it a habit to talk to Sungmin during his free time in class. As soon as the teacher shut up and went off, Sungmin turned around and they picked up a conversation either from the day before or about something similar.

Usually chipper with an attitude, Sungmin seemed a bit offset that day.

“It’s nothing, really,” Sungmin replied to Donghae’s concern. “I just… I got you something. And I don’t want you to look at it until you get home, preferably in private.”

Donghae’s eyebrow rose as he watched Sungmin unzip his own backpack and produce a brown paper bag rolled up around some mystery item. As Sungmin shoved the bag deep into the front pocket of Donghae’s backpack, he pursed his lips with curiosity.

“Don’t ask,” Sungmin ordered, holding up a silencing finger as he sat back up.

Shrugging, Donghae brushed it off.

Somehow, some time later, they got onto the topic of Kyuhyun as they usually did.

“I think he’s bipolar,” Sungmin stated, inspecting his nails.

“Probably,” Donghae agreed nonchalantly.

Sungmin suddenly turned to Donghae, a look on his face as if he’d had an epiphany. “I’m serious,” he continued. “Kyuhyun – bipolar. It makes sense, right?”

Donghae furrowed his brows and stared at Sungmin. He’d never considered the option that perhaps something was actually wrong with Kyuhyun. A chemical imbalance in his brain. A hereditary disorder.

“It explains a lot of stuff, right? I mean one moment he’s a ray of sunshine and the next he’s this total asshole,” Sungmin rattled off. “And I mean – from what you’ve told me, it kind of happens in a wave. Like a mood swing. Like a bipolar person might have.”

Shaking his head incredulously, Donghae stood up just as the bell rang. “There’s nothing wrong with Kyuhyun,” he denied, but Sungmin was persistent.

“Look it up. Do some research on it. Bipolar disorder. Then tell me there’s nothing wrong with him,” Sungmin stated as Donghae walked away from him.

It was a stupid idea. Kyuhyun was just a little moody. People say men get PMS, too. That seemed reason enough. Donghae couldn’t imagine Kyuhyun with a mental disorder. He couldn’t fathom that there was anything seriously medically wrong in Kyuhyun’s mind.

But the thought was there.

It was there throughout the entire day, even as he drove to Kyuhyun’s house and went inside. It was there as he and Kyuhyun watched Cake Boss in the living room, curled up against each other on the couch.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You look like you’re thinking about a little more than nothing.”

Donghae sighed. “Really,” he lied.

Kyuhyun prodded Donghae’s ribcage with his fingers. “Liar, liar, pants on fire.”

Donghae suppressed a giggle, though he couldn’t contain the grin. “I’m serious,” he said in an attempt to convince the both of them. “There’s nothing wrong.” Nothing, he told himself. Nothing wrong with him. Nothing wrong with Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun exhaled softly close to his ear and settled back down to watch the rest of the show.

When Cake Boss ended, Donghae decided he needed to go home before he got too lazy to be willing to drive. Kyuhyun held him in the doorway, reluctant to let him go just yet.

“I’ll text you,” Donghae murmured, a soft smile on his face as he kissed the corner of Kyuhyun’s mouth.

“Of course you will,” Kyuhyun hummed, returning the kiss by pressing their lips together and sucking on Donghae’s bottom lip for a moment. “It’s getting late,” he said just before pushed their mouths together again. Not that he was making any move to part ways.

Donghae’s gaze lifted from Kyuhyun’s lips as the pulled away and he opened his mouth to speak. It was a few seconds before he could say what he knew he wanted to. “I love you,” he whispered, too obsessed with hearing Kyuhyun’s reply to notice how his own voice cracked slightly.

The cool night air blew between them as Kyuhyun stared wordlessly. The breeze dissipated and as if on cue, Kyuhyun smirked. “I know,” he said.

He couldn’t say that it didn’t hurt. It made him regret saying it so suddenly, made him want to take it back. He wanted to wait until maybe one day Kyuhyun might say it back. And that may be a forever way, but at least then he wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of not hearing it said in return. He drew away from Kyuhyun, both mentally and physically, and turned to leave.

“Good night,” Kyuhyun called.

Donghae looked over the hood of his car and waved solemnly in acknowledgment.

He drove home in a state of blank emotion, unable to process much beyond the fuzzy radio station playing quietly from his speakers. Inside his house, his mom noticed his mood.

“What’s the matter?” she asked, pursing her lips as if he was just a sad little puppy and a scratch behind the ear would cure his worries.

If only it was so simple. “Nothing,” he stated.

But she wasn’t taking it. “Is it Kyuhyun?”

“No, Mom,” Donghae ground out, ready to just go to bed and forget about the last conversation he’d had with said person. “I’m just tired.”

“It’s always Kyuhyun,” she murmured cryptically as she turned around.

He was just relieved to be free and didn’t have time to worry with her strangeness. He headed upstairs and threw his backpack on his bed. The sight of the awkward bulge in the front of his back reminded him of Sungmin’s gift.

He unzipped the pocket and reached in for the bag. He hoped it was something good, to lift his spirits a bit from that big letdown. He plunged a hand inside and felt the plastic bottle before he saw it.

Lubricant.

Personal lubricant.

Donghae dropped the bottle like a scalding brick onto the bed and gaped.

Lube. What he could do with lube. Kyuhyun and lube. Him and Kyuhyun and lube. He felt his dick throb in his pants suddenly and violently at the rush of mental images. He knew his face burned a brilliant, bright red as he shoved the bottle of lube back into the paper bag.

That wasn’t all that was in there. He pulled out the small object, already having an inkling in his mind, and flushed even brighter at the affirmation as he gazed at the red packages.

He was going to have words with Sungmin about the strawberry flavored condoms he held.

Until then, he’d just settle for shoving them into the bottom the front pocket and forgetting about them.