Chapter Eighteen

 When Donghae saw Sungmin at school, it wasn’t quite like he’d imagined their conversation. He’d expected Sungmin to be awkward and probably a bit disgusted with Donghae. He had told Sungmin everything at once, and then filled in the gaps the next day after Kyuhyun had left over the phone.

He’d never imagined Sungmin walking up and embracing him in a quick, man-to-man hug as if to say he had Donghae’s back and everything was okay.

“You look like hell,” Sungmin said, grimacing slightly.

Donghae grinned and ran a hand through his messy hair, remembering how he’d slept in until the last possible minute and hadn’t bothered to brush his hair again. “It’s a style,” he defended as they sat down at their desks in class.

“How are things?” Sungmin asked quietly, and Donghae knew exactly what he was heading towards.

“Things are… good, I guess,” Donghae replied. “I haven’t seen Kyuhyun since he left my house that day.”

“Yeah,” Sungmin said, nodding with interest. “You seem better. Happier, kind of. I don’t know why – after the douche bag –” he cut himself short and cleared his throat, looking around subtly at the class. He leaned in closer and whispered. “You can’t tell me you’re happy about that.”

“Well fuck no,” Donghae hissed, eyebrows furrowing. He rubbed his temples, trying to figure out what he actually did feel. It wasn’t like he’d asked for it, or even suggested it at all. He’d been angry. They had been fighting about Jessica, and he’d said some really stupid things with the direct intentions to anger Kyuhyun. Maybe he hadn’t expected Kyuhyun to have a bite that matched his bark.

“And yet you’re not mad at him for it,” Sungmin broke in, stirring Donghae from his thoughts.

“No,” Donghae mumbled. “Not really.”

“Don’t you think maybe you should be at least a little upset?” Sungmin asked. “And I’m not trying to start shit – I really just don’t see how you’re not angry. It’s not like he apologized either, right?”

Donghae huffed with bitter laughter. “No way. He’s not sorry about anything.” His face fell into seriousness and he stared beyond Sungmin at the open classroom door. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t be mad at him for that long. If we fight and stop talking, I don’t stay mad. I end up starting to miss him.”

Sungmin leaned on his elbow, his chin cupped daintily in his hand. He gazed at Donghae with understanding, his eyes shimmering with just a tad of amusement.

“Sometimes he’s insane. Like, he just gets so pissed over something so… so small. And it’s not like I can just sit there and not argue with him,” Donghae said heatedly. But then his voice softened. “And then sometimes he’s just really cool. Funny, cute, generous sometimes.”

Sungmin nodded. “And you can’t help but overlook all of the bad stuff in the end, huh?”

Donghae bit his lip and met Sungmin’s eyes. “Yeah. Exactly.”

“That’s love for you,” Sungmin stated. “No matter what he does from now on, he probably knows you’ll always forgive him.”

Shrugging, Donghae incessantly chewed on the inside of his cheek, his fingers idly twisting his pencil.

At his house as he watched television, he couldn’t concentrate because all he could think about was Kyuhyun and what Sungmin had said. It had to be obvious that he loved Kyuhyun for Sungmin to notice, even if Sungmin had shown an intuitive streak. He wondered if Kyuhyun had figured it out already. A part of him wanted to tell Kyuhyun for some mysterious reason, and his conflicting nature screamed that he could never admit it because it would just get used against him.

“I love you,” Donghae whispered, his head tilted to the side as he stared at a fray in his jeans and pinched a crease in the denim between his fingers. The words sounded right on his tongue, felt nice out loud as he envisioned Kyuhyun.

And then he came back to planet earth and rubbed an ashamed hand over his entire face, as if trying to wipe away the absurdity.

His phone started to vibrate in his pocket, alerting him of a phone call. He dug it out and glanced at the caller ID – Kyuhyun, of course – then answered.

“Hello?” Kyuhyun asked, as if he had been the one to answer the call.

“Um… what’s up?” Donghae asked.

“Oh. I’m coming over,” Kyuhyun said.

Donghae blinked and then looked at the clock. It was just barely half past five. “When?” he asked.

“Like… now,” Kyuhyun replied at the same time Donghae heard a car pull up next to his house. He heard a car door slam shut and then it drove away, and he figured someone had dropped Kyuhyun off.

He hung up and went to the front door to meet Kyuhyun there. As he opened it, he was met with a subtle grin and a pleased expression as Kyuhyun walked into the house.

“Did your mom cook?” Kyuhyun asked, heading for the kitchen.

“No,” Donghae replied. “She’s not home yet.”

“Mm,” Kyuhyun hummed and then turned to lean his back against the counter. He looked at Donghae for a long moment, as if taking in the image before him with depth. “I’m hungry,” he said simply.

Donghae hesitantly walked across the kitchen to the fridge, edging along the counter as far away from Kyuhyun as possible because he could tell something wasn’t right. He pulled open the door, keeping Kyuhyun in his peripheral as he scanned the shelves. “We don’t have much,” he admitted and let the door swing shut. He turned around and met Kyuhyun’s eyes, seeing a slight pinkish quality to them, his eyelids relaxed and low.

Kyuhyun pushed off of the counter and made his way towards Donghae.

Donghae didn’t resist when Kyuhyun enveloped him in an embrace that raised goosebumps on his skin from the touch of the cool material on Kyuhyun’s jacket. He inhaled and his eyebrows furrowed at the unfamiliar scent that laced Kyuhyun’s clothing. It was a rather unpleasant smell that filled Donghae’s nostrils as he pressed his forehead against Kyuhyun’s chest.

Kyuhyun’s fingers laced into his and Donghae’s eyes widened as he was led into the living room to crash onto the couch together. “Your eyes are so brown,” Kyuhyun whispered as he gazed with slight wonder into Donghae’s eyes from underneath him on the couch.

“Are you… okay?” Donghae asked delicately, chewing on his lip habitually.

With a laugh, Kyuhyun’s head fell back and rested on the arm of the couch. “I’m great,” he said. “Really great.”

After a few moments of staring along the length of Kyuhyun’s neck, Donghae leaned in and pressed a kiss to the skin over the hollow of his collar bone.

A low chuckle bubbled from Kyuhyun and he wiggled a bit, his arms stretching around Donghae’s waist. When Donghae repeated the kiss, Kyuhyun sort of giggled and let his head loll to the side. “That tickles,” he said lightly.

“What’s the matter with you?” Donghae asked, though he couldn’t help the smile at Kyuhyun’s borderline cuteness.

“I’m high as a motherfucker,” Kyuhyun said with a giggle.

Donghae couldn’t even bring himself to be disappointed in Kyuhyun when he seemed so relaxed, so happy. He dragged himself upwards and raised himself so that he could see Kyuhyun face to face. “Why did you come here?” he asked quietly.

Kyuhyun seemed to mellow out as he stared back at Donghae, eyes swimming with dazed perception. “I missed you,” he mumbled, a half-smile appearing on his lips.

“Liar,” Donghae stated. “Why are you high?” he asked.

Kyuhyun’s eyes rolled backwards slightly, searching the ceiling for his response. “It feels… nice,” he finally said. “You feel nice. This is nice.”

Donghae felt his throat clench just a bit. “Does it… not feel nice when you’re not high?” he asked tentatively.

“Don’t be stupid,” Kyuhyun snapped, but it wasn’t heated or angry. “You always feel nice.”

Donghae let his head rest under Kyuhyun’s chin, his hands trailing down to tuck between their bodies and thaw out his cold fingers.

“Do I feel nice?” Kyuhyun asked, his fingers playing with Donghae’s hair.

“Yeah,” Donghae replied, feeling no need to elaborate.

Inhaling deeply and letting it out, Kyuhyun hummed a soft note and Donghae smiled a bit.

Lying on the couch and cuddling up to Kyuhyun like a sweet couple made Donghae think about how right it had felt to whisper those words aloud, how right it had felt to think of Kyuhyun as he said them. He dampened his lips with his tongue and swallowed, closing his eyes.

“I love you.”

His voice was soft, content. He almost didn’t want to be heard, just wanted consolation that he’d had the guts to actually say them in Kyuhyun’s presence.

“Of course you do, babe,” Kyuhyun said, followed by an amused snort. Donghae’s heart did flips and turns as he felt Kyuhyun’s chest rumble with deep laughter. It wasn’t contemptuous or daunting, just cocky.

And even though Kyuhyun never said it back or implied that he even wanted to, Donghae was satisfied with just that. They lay on the couch for ours, Donghae dozing off slightly and Kyuhyun out cold until Donghae heard a car pull into the driveway from outside.

In a flurry of movement quicker than he’d ever imagined he could achieve, he was off the couch and hauling Kyuhyun to his bedroom to hide the evidence of him and his drug use. When he heard his mom enter the house, he stepped out and greeted her briefly, trying to keep his distance in case the smell of marijuana had rubbed off on him.

“How was school?” his mom asked.

“It was good.”

“Is Kyuhyun here?” she inquired.

Donghae didn’t know how she knew. Kyuhyun hadn’t driven his car. “Um, yeah... he’s in my room,” he replied warily. Something about the way she spoke with slight suspicion made him uneasy, something about the way she seemed to know Kyuhyun was there.

“Okay,” she said, seeming to accept his answer as just that for the moment. “Well, I’m going to bed. You two…” she said as she trailed off and then cleared her throat, pausing at her doorway to clench the doorknob, “behave.”

.-.-.

The next morning brought the chore of getting Kyuhyun out of bed and ready or school. He leaned over Kyuhyun with a hand patting the side of his face insistently. Kyuhyun only grumbled with frustrated sleepiness and turned away.

“Come on, we have to go to school,” Donghae whined. “You’ve been asleep since, like, eight or something last night.”

Kyuhyun rolled onto his back and one of his hands trailed up the arm that Donghae had pushed into the bed to support his weight. “How about a good morning kiss?”

Donghae smiled a bit and leaned downwards, his eyelids fluttering closed. But just before their lips connected, he darted away and locked himself in the bathroom.

“Am I not good enough for one?” Kyuhyun called, probably still in bed like the lazy ass he was.

“Definitely not,” Donghae stated as he turned on the sink water and brushed his teeth.

They went to school and parted ways when Kyuhyun swept away into his first class. Donghae made it to first period on time and settled down as Sungmin found him and flopped down with a big grin.

“Morning,” he chirped, and Donghae almost couldn’t stand his candy-apple red shirt and perfect hair for once.

“Why are you in such a good mood?” Donghae asked with a returning smile, noticing the way Sungmin positively beamed.

“Well, it’s a month late, but Eunhyuk got me a present for my birthday,” Sungmin replied. “Here I thought no one remembered birthdays anymore except moms.”

“Happy birthday,” Donghae said, for what it was worth. “What did he get you?”

Sungmin smiled as he dug through the backpack between his feet and fished out two white tickets. “Going to see an NBA game. I don’t even know who’s playing, but I thought it was nice,” Sungmin replied and handed the tickets to Donghae to look at. “I know it’s really more for his own reasons, but at least he thought of me.”

Donghae held the two tickets in his hands and scanned over the text. It might be fun to go watch a basketball game with Kyuhyun. “Sounds like fun,” he said as he handed them back to Sungmin.

“Yeah. How are things with Kyuhyun?” Sungmin seemed almost shy of the subject, as if maybe he thought Donghae would get angry for him asking.

Donghae’s hand flattened on his text book as he stared at the pages. “It’s going okay, I guess,” he finally mumbled after a few moments of consideration. “He came to my house pretty much stoned.”

He could definitely tell Sungmin didn’t approve of this by the way his eyebrows puckered and his lips contorted in a restrained frown. “Was that yesterday?” Sungmin asked.

“Yeah… why?” Donghae felt like he shouldn’t have said it the moment Sungmin shook his head and huffed.

“Eunhyuk said Kyuhyun was with him yesterday,” Sungmin stated bitterly. “Means they were smoking together. Asshole.”

Donghae tsked quietly, knowing he’d just caused a future argument between Eunhyuk and Sungmin. “Maybe they weren’t hanging out then,” Donghae tried to defend.

“Eunhyuk told me he was going to drop Kyuhyun off before he came over,” Sungmin said. “I thought he seemed a little odd. It’s hard to tell when Eunhyuk is high.” His fingernails picked at the edge of his chair, leaving tiny, faint scratch marks. He didn’t meet Donghae’s eyes, as if he were ashamed of Eunhyuk’s behavior.

“It’s not a big deal,” Donghae said quietly.

“No, it is to me,” Sungmin stated stiffly. “The way you feel about drinking is the way I feel about smoking. It changes the person. And I don’t care what scientific studies and shit say, you can get addicted. It can control your life. Take Eunhyuk for example.”

Donghae chewed on his lip, trying to think of the right words to say to Sungmin. When he couldn’t think of anything, he sighed and gave up. “I don’t know,” he mumbled.

“And Kyuhyun is the same way. You can’t say he wasn’t normal yesterday,” Sungmin continued, on a roll.

“He was really different,” Donghae agreed. “Kind of a good different, but still.”

Sungmin shook his head. “A long time ago, a little after I first met Kyuhyun… it was at Eunhyuk’s Halloween party. They were all high.”

“I think you mentioned that,” Donghae said. The students around them were all chatting quietly, the teacher having decided to give them a free period for whatever reason. 

Nodding, Sungmin dampened his lips to prepare to talk. “Kyuhyun came out on the porch and he sat down next to me. He was really high. And drunk, probably. I know everyone was drinking – a lot.” Sungmin paused to collect his thoughts, leaning forward to hush his voice. “And he told me about himself. He started talking about all these things, as if he was proud."

“Well, I mean he was high after all,” Donghae started carefully.

"No, he started talking about doing these terrible things. He was practically bragging about it. What he did to his sister when they were younger until she moved, what he does to other people,” Sungmin continued. He leaned even closer and Donghae drew in also. “I really think there’s something seriously wrong with him. He told me that since he was little he’d hurt his sister and his parents wouldn’t believe her.”

Donghae blinked, processing all of this slowly. “Why didn’t you tell me about this earlier?” he asked.

“Well I’ve been trying really hard to kind of keep out of it,” Sungmin said. “Since it’s none of my business what Kyuhyun does. The only thing I’ve been concerning myself with is you because I don’t want you to get into trouble or anything.”

“What else did he say?” Donghae inquired hesitantly.

“All sorts of stuff. He was really out of it. I don’t remember a lot of it word for word, but most of it was about controlling people and messing with their minds. He had these ideas that like he was a genius and no one could ever understand him. He has a serious superiority complex.”

He took in the entire conversation, committing it to memory despite the fact that it felt wrong. Snooping into Kyuhyun’s past, something that was hardly his business, felt wrong. He would never tell anyone. He would never tell Kyuhyun he knew.