Chapter Nine

Donghae watched the teacher’s pencil make marks and numbers during tutorials, changing positives to negatives and decimals into fractions, swapping numbers from one side of the equal sign to the other, getting rid of numbers and letters almost spontaneously. One second they were working one problem and the next he’d written a quadratic formula on the other side of the paper and was plugging numbers into it. They used imaginary numbers and radicals, which Donghae couldn’t understand at all.

He’d mastered graphs and their equations, but algebra was kicking his ass. Any question he asked was answered cryptically, as if the old assbag was just making up shit instead of telling him straight that the answer made no sense and math beyond fifth grade was completely useless unless you wanted to become an engineer or math freak.

“Wait – how is that right? There’s two completely different answers.”

“A number, whether it’s a decimal or fraction or radical or whatever, is still the same number.”

Math is stupid.

A Kyuhyun, whether he’s an ass or a lovable brat or normal or whatever, is still the same Kyuhyun.

“And in some cases, you need two answers.”

And in some cases, you need a little of each. 

“I think I get it.” Donghae continued to watch and could actually do one of the same type on his own after a while, only having to ask for help twice. Adding and subtracting with negatives still mind-fucked him, though.

“Excuse me.”

Donghae and the math teacher looked to the doorway simultaneously to see Kyuhyun standing patiently. He sent a discrete, serious look towards Donghae and then let his gaze flicker to the teacher’s face. Donghae could feel all the wrong vibes from across the room.

“Oh, hey, Kyuhyun. Did you need something?” the math teacher inquired with a smile. It was rather obvious that he liked Kyuhyun, the little teacher’s pet.

“Coach wants to talk to Donghae, if you don’t mind.”

They exchanged glances and his teacher nodded. “You’re doing a lot better, Donghae. See you tomorrow.”

So much for steering clear of Kyuhyun, Donghae thought as he shoved his book and papers into his bag and slung it onto his back. He hadn’t gone to the library and had ate his lunch from home in math class while he watched the teacher grade papers for a while and then did some problems on the whiteboard.

As he passed Kyuhyun at the doorway, he could feel the stare on the back of his head all the way to the gym. Each step grew a little heavier, each breath a little harder. Kyuhyun’s presence, even when he couldn’t see him, was stifling.

“In his office.” Kyuhyun pointed across the dimly lit gym at the hallway.

Donghae didn’t mention that Kyuhyun probably didn’t need to come, too. He hoped it was good news, something like he could play basketball now because his grades were passing. But progress reports hadn’t come out, so that was actually out of the question.  

Right in the middle of his thoughts, something jerked his backpack off and it went sailing into the wall off the narrow hall. Donghae turned on his heel as Kyuhyun nearly plowed into him, seemingly towering over him though he only had a couple inches’ advantage.

“Had a bad day?” Donghae asked as Kyuhyun turned them, backing him into the wall.

“I told you to come to the library.” Kyuhyun’s fingertips pressed roughly into the side of Donghae’s neck, his thumb pushing his chin up so their eyes could meet.

“I was busy.”

The hand suddenly reeled back, coming back with a loud pop right across Donghae’s face. His eye stung, his cheek burned with pain as he let out a sputter of shock. All reason and self-control had left him with the snap of Kyuhyun’s palm against the skin of his cheek.

“The fuck was that for?” he shrieked, reaching for his face to cover it with the hopes of soothing the sting. “Why are you so pissed off?” he asked, his words spat like venom as he shoved Kyuhyun backward.

But Kyuhyun was back on him, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. “I told you to be in the library. You didn’t come to lunch. Maybe I should be the one asking you that question. Or do you just avoid people for no reason regularly?”

“I’m not the one slapping people.”

“You weren’t paying attention.”

“So you slap me?”

Kyuhyun’s teeth showed slightly with the sneer he gave. “You want me to do it again? Got you turned on yet?”

Donghae rolled his eyes and knocked the hand away. “Fuck off,” he ground out, his voice sounding gravelly and low.

“You don’t know what you want. I give you everything you think you want. You wanted a friend, I was your friend. You wanted to skip, we skipped. You wanted to pass, I got you there. You want to make out, I –”

“I don’t want to make out,” Donghae argued, hands flying up to Kyuhyun’s chest and pushing to dislodge him.

“Oh, you don’t? Maybe I should take a picture of you when you’re staring at me like you do, show you how you like to sex me up with your eyes so you can see for yourself what I see every time you look at me,” Kyuhyun hissed.

Swallowing his desire to take a swing, shove away, Donghae looked away and shook his head. He saw Kyuhyun’s hand slide up the wall to just above his head, his fingers digging impatiently against the white paint.

“Look at me.”

Donghae didn’t look. He turned his face, tilted his head upwards, but his eyes closed and he didn’t look because he could feel Kyuhyun’s mouth on his. No lip balm, just Kyuhyun’s moist, warm mouth. His fingers sought out Kyuhyun’s hair, pulled him closer because it was so unlike kissing a girl he couldn’t even compare it and he wanted more.

He couldn’t breathe at all, didn’t want to try. It was like being under boiling water, his lungs longing to inhale and his skin tingling and hot. He couldn’t move fast enough, like the water was weighing his limbs down and slowing his mind.

When Kyuhyun pressed their bodies against the wall, his mouth demanding and moving with more force, he felt like they were sinking deeper into the water. But when Kyuhyun suddenly pulled away, it was like breaking to the surface, only it wasn’t a relief because he liked the water, wanted to stay under. Above water, he could see clearly and could breathe right and it didn’t feel near as good. He couldn’t drown out his thoughts or slow time. He couldn’t pretend that it was all his imagination and that none of it was really happening.  

“Kyuhyun,” he tried to call, but his voice was breathless and too soft, or maybe Kyuhyun didn’t want to hear. “Wait.” He watched the retreating figure disappear around a corner and grabbed his book bag, taking off.

 Out of the sun-boiled water and onto a stranded island. That was the feeling he got when he couldn’t find Kyuhyun in the gym, not even in the parking lot. Marooned, he thought as he got into his car and headed home. Abandoned.

His plan, though he’d set his expectations for himself too high, had failed. He was in the storm now, another useless, broken chunk of debris in Hurricane Kyuhyun. 

.-.-.

He’d made it all the way to Friday without so much as a word from Kyuhyun, which soothed him a bit. After a bit of reflection, he’d realized what he’d done had been stupid, impulsive. It had gotten him in a world of shit, and he didn’t know how to dig himself out.

“Are you feeling okay?”

Donghae blinked, having completely zoned out while staring at his math teacher’s beard. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he replied and picked up his pencil.

“You’ve been even quieter than usual lately. The counselor will talk to you, you know, if you need it…”

“I just haven’t been sleeping well is all,” Donghae said and nodded as if this were news to him as well. It was his excuse for the teacher, but it was also partly true. He hadn’t been sleeping well. He’d hardly been sleeping at all. The lie was that it was all there was to it.

 “Why don’t you go home? You’ve been doing really well until these last few days. I think you’re stressed out.” He closed Donghae’s book for him and stood up, leaving Donghae in the classroom as he wandered off into the hallway.

Donghae chewed his lip and tapped his pencil eraser on the book, staring into nothing. He was just confused. That was all. He wasn’t upset, not at all, because that would imply that he cared a bit for Kyuhyun and didn’t like arguing, fighting, whatever had gone on with him. He didn’t care about Kyuhyun at all, he told himself, even as he was pulling up behind that gray car and killing his engine. He got halfway to the door and turned around, but after only two steps changed his mind and made it through the doorway.

“Oh. Hello, Donghae.”

He jumped and spotted Kyuhyun’s dad in the kitchen. “Hi, Mr. Cho,” he mumbled at the man and slipped through the living room towards Kyuhyun’s room. The door was closed and he knocked softly, waiting for an answer.

“I’m not hungry.”

“It’s me.” Donghae’s fingers uncurled from his fist and wrapped around the doorknob.

“Go home.”

Donghae opened the door and stepped inside.

Kyuhyun sat at his computer desk, tapping away at the keys. He mumbled a curse word and went into a frenzy of clicks and taps before swearing again and hitting a final button. He turned to Donghae with a scowl on his face and raised a brow. “What?”

Donghae closed the door behind him, leaning against it as he avoided Kyuhyun’s eyes. “It’s just been a while since we last hung out.”

“A whopping two days, I suppose.” Kyuhyun stood up and stretched, his stomach showing from beneath his shirt. He wore basketball shorts that looked ready to fall off, the thin material sliding over his thighs as he climbed onto the bed and fell down with a huff. “Failing English yet?”

“Getting there,” Donghae replied and sat on the bed a safe distance from Kyuhyun. “Thanks for helping me.”

Kyuhyun rolled over onto his back and looked upwards at Donghae, his bangs falling back off of his face. “That’s what I’m here for. Come on, I have something you need to learn to play.”

Donghae felt a lot safer with Kyuhyun’s dad present, presumably making supper while his mom was out. Every once in a while he’d call something over the sound of the game and one of them would answer and then all of them would laugh or something.

“Guys, dinner is in the kitchen when you’re hungry,” Kyuhyun’s dad said. Kyuhyun didn’t resemble him much in looks or personality from what Donghae could tell. He wasn’t really sure where he got the asshole from, as he’d met Kyuhyun’s mother and she was perfectly nice. Could have been an act, though. But maybe that was just paranoia.

“Where are you going?” Kyuhyun asked as his dad donned a jacket and dug in the pocket for car keys.

“Your mom wanted me to pick up some stuff at the store. You two behave. I’ll be right back.”

The door closed and the car started, the tires grinding the gravel as it pulled out of the driveway. He automatically looked at Kyuhyun, half-expecting him to pounce as soon as they were alone, but only saw him completely concentrated on the game.

Donghae considered apologizing. It’s not like Kyuhyun had asked him to kiss him, even if he had been taunting him. He could try to get him to buy the excuse that he’d been out of his mind, not kissing him because he’d been thinking about it for days, imagining how it would feel. When he finished his internal debate, he cleared his throat. The first time he tried to say it, his mouth only moved and his voice refused to work. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled on his second attempt.

“For what?” Kyuhyun’s attention hardly wavered from the game as he shot at something and then ducked behind what looked like an abandoned airplane.

“You know what.” Donghae lost his focus, nearly dying before he could escape. He found a good spot to camp out and stared at the blue button on the controller. “I won’t… do it again.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kyuhyun said and hummed as he shot at something on the screen. He smirked as he found a really good gun and trotted along, ignoring that Donghae wasn’t playing anymore.

“I’m not going to say it,” Donghae stated.

“How rude. You’re apologizing, but you refuse to tell me what for.” Kyuhyun had that evil tone, like he was winning by a long shot and there was nothing Donghae could do or say to stop it.

“Well forget it then. I’m not sorry,” Donghae grumbled, going back to the game.

Kyuhyun turned, pulling a knee up and resting an arm on the back of the couch as he stared at Donghae. “Must be something bad, huh? Feel guilty? What is it?” Kyuhyun asked, his voice soft and looming and dark.

“It obviously wasn’t that big of a deal if you don’t know what I’m talking about.” Donghae wanted to scream fuck you and then just leave. He wasn’t stupid – Kyuhyun remembered it just as well as he did. Probably even better, because everything had been so vague and surreal to Donghae.

“I have a bad memory.”

“You just died,” Donghae stated. He wasn’t falling for it, no way.

“I thought you were to a point of no return,” Kyuhyun mumbled, XBOX game long forgotten. “But here you are, fighting me again.”

“Let’s play something else.”

“No, I like this game.”

He felt the words on his skin, a soft puff of warm air on his cheek just before soft lips gently touched his jaw. His eyelids felt heavy as Kyuhyun’s lips brushed upwards towards his ear to press against his earlobe, the shell of his ear.

“Look at me,” Kyuhyun whispered, his hushed voice loud in Donghae’s ear.

Donghae shivered as he felt the wetness of a tongue trail along the edge of his ear before lips closed onto his neck just below his earlobe.

“Don’t act like you don’t want to.” Teeth clenched onto the skin of his neck, sending a shock down his back and straight to his pants. At this point, before he lost all inhibition, he leaned away and blindly pushed Kyuhyun away by the shoulder.

He flushed at the haunting laugh he heard and stood up. “God, I hate you,” he uttered a bit breathlessly as he went to Kyuhyun’s room to find his jacket, scowling when the statement only intensified the laughter.

“Donghae, Donghae, Donghae,” Kyuhyun chimed as he simmered down. “You make my life so much more fun. Come back soon,” he called as Donghae was halfway to the door.

“Fuck you.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Kyuhyun said, his voice reaching Donghae just before the door slammed shut in his wake.

In his car, he accidentally punched the horn as he struggled and could practically hear Kyuhyun busting out with ridiculing laughter at his flustered mistake.

Kyuhyun appeared in the doorway of his house, smirking, and just as Donghae was about to back up, he made it to the passenger door and pulled it open. “I’m glad you decided to get out of the house. Where to?”

“Get out. I’m going home.” Donghae switched the car back into park and waited for Kyuhyun to comply.

“Your house? Oh, why don’t I stay the night? That’ll be fun. Come back inside, I need to pack,” Kyuhyun said and put one foot on the ground outside.

“You go ahead.”

“Come inside.”

“I don’t need to.”

Kyuhyun reached across, hand darting to the key to kill the engine and yank it out despite Donghae’s efforts. “You wait here. I’ll be right back.” He jingled the keys from his fingers tauntingly and disappeared.

Without moving an inch, Donghae tried to bore a hole in his steering wheel with his eyes as he waited. When Kyuhyun slid back into the passenger seat with a backpack, Donghae didn’t wait for him to put on a seatbelt after snatching back his keys, shoving it into reverse and backing out of the driveway. “You’re sleeping on the couch.”

“No, I think your bed is big enough for both of us.”

“It’s just a full sized bed,” Donghae argued.

“Mine is a queen and we fit fine.” It wasn’t up for negotiation anymore.

Donghae hoped Kyuhyun was too tall for his bed.

At his house, Kyuhyun played the perfect best friend to Donghae’s mom, even getting into a conversation about Donghae while he was literally standing there, listening to them coo and chortle over his “grumpy face”. Eventually he just left the kitchen, a bit disgruntled, but it wasn’t long until Kyuhyun appeared in his room.

Donghae had realized a while back that he much preferred going to Kyuhyun’s house than him coming over. At Kyuhyun’s he felt less exposed, like he didn’t have to worry about Kyuhyun finding something to mock him over. But now, as Kyuhyun found the Strawberry Shortcake doll and squished it, he waited for the scorn, the teasing smirk.

“I’m going to buy you strawberry perfume or something.” Kyuhyun nodded to himself as he set the doll back and pulled open Donghae’s top drawer nosily.

Donghae ignored him and threw his jacket onto the end of his bed. He flopped down and rolled onto his side, closing his eyes.

“And then your room will smell like your car.”

Ignored.

“Wouldn’t you like that, Donghae?”

“Are you sure you’re not the one obsessed with strawberries?” Donghae didn’t bother to wait for an answer, grabbing a pillow and clamping it over his head. He felt the bed dip and tensed, waiting for the rough hand to jerk his arm away, flip him over and slap him.

“Maybe you’re right.” A finger traced lightly on his hand, curling under his pinky and lifting his hand carefully, as if his skin was made of glass. The pillow lifted off his face and Kyuhyun tossed the hand away to land on Donghae’s side.

Donghae rolled onto his back, looking straight up at the upside-down visage of Kyuhyun. “What?”

“Say it.”

Donghae’s eyebrows drew together. “Say what?”

“That you want me to kiss you again,” Kyuhyun replied.

“Lying is a sin.” Donghae tried to harden his face, tried to repel Kyuhyun with his grimace.

“So is lust.” Kyuhyun’s crooked smile grew just a bit wider, his eyes just a bit narrower.

“Go fuck a rake,” Donghae grumbled, turning over and reaching for his pillow.

Kyuhyun’s mouth closed on the tip of his ear, sending a shiver down his back. “You have nice ears.”

Donghae whacked Kyuhyun with the pillow as soon as he got a hold of it, sending him into a short fit of laughter as he wiped the saliva from his ear.

“Why don’t you have a TV in your room?” Kyuhyun griped, rolling around on his bed. “Cake Boss is on.”

“Go watch it in the living room. And take a blanket with you. It gets cold in there.”

“How about you come with me?” Kyuhyun asked. “You can keep me warm,” he added as he hopped off the bed and walked to the other side.

Not while my mom is home, Donghae wanted to say. But then Kyuhyun would get the idea that he would do it if his mom wasn’t home and probably never let him live the statement down.

“Come on, Donghae. We’re missing the beginning,” Kyuhyun said in a whiny voice, though it held hints of dark amusement. He tugged on Donghae’s ankles until he forfeited and sat up to trudge into the living room.

They only made it through the doorway before they spotted his mom fumbling around the room in a rush.

“Donghae, I’ve got to go. I have to cover Yoojin’s shift at the hospital. I’ll be back late tonight. You and Kyuhyun don’t stay up too late!” his mom rambled as she scurried around the living room. “Have you eaten? There’s a takeout menu on the counter. Or you can just go somewhere. Money is on my dresser. Just be careful. Okay, I’ve got to go.”

“Okay…” Donghae mumbled, only really hearing the part where she told them not to stay up. He leaned on the back of the couch, taking the time to steady his nerves and collect his thoughts while Kyuhyun was absorbed in Cake Boss from the other side. Sleeping arrangements were going to be awkward as hell, at the very least uncomfortable. There was no way he was going to get away with sleeping on the couch or kicking Kyuhyun out of his room. He might be able to convince Kyuhyun to let him sleep on the floor in his room, though he doubted it.

Kyuhyun obviously enjoyed making Donghae uncomfortable.

Much to Donghae’s chagrin, Kyuhyun proved this further as he leaned over and flopped his big, heavy head on Donghae’s left thigh, stretching his legs out on the rest of the couch.

Donghae sat, his hand idly in the air because he really didn’t know what to do with it. He was about to put it on the back of the couch when Kyuhyun took it, pulling it down and holding it on his chest. He waited a few moments, Kyuhyun’s hand over his on his chest, and soon he could feel Kyuhyun’s heartbeat under his palm, slow and steady unlike his own.

Kyuhyun’s other hand reached behind himself slightly, splaying over Donghae’s knee and sliding upwards slowly and halting the breath in Donghae’s chest. He reached to the outside of his other thigh and rested his hand there, his fingers between the couch and Donghae’s leg. 

Exhaling slowly, Donghae adjusted his eyes on the screen and tried to pretend none of it fazed him. It was just Kyuhyun being Kyuhyun, trying to unnerve Donghae and make him as uncomfortable as possible.

Only he wasn’t uncomfortable by the next commercial, even when Kyuhyun’s hand drifted upwards and brushed under his chin, over his cheek. He felt rather relaxed, the softness of Kyuhyun’s fingertips soothing his nerves and the warm chest under his hand, its constant, steady heartbeat calming him.

“You look sleepy.” Even his voice had a peaceful quality to it, deep and chocolaty smooth.

Donghae hummed quietly in reply.

The hand on his face settled back next to his thigh, Kyuhyun’s fingernails flicking the seam of Donghae’s jeans absently as the show came back on. He leaned his head back, sighing lightly.

It only felt like minutes later when Donghae opened his eyes to Kyuhyun shaking his shoulder.

“Do you need to go to bed? I think you’re starting to drool.”

Donghae wiped his mouth and yawned. “What time is it?”

Kyuhyun snorted. “It’s only eight.” He turned his head back to the TV, where he’d changed the channel to a comedy.

His hand had slid off of Kyuhyun’s chest onto the couch, though Kyuhyun didn’t really seem to care. Kyuhyun’s hair looked kind of soft, inviting somewhat as it was right in front of him. He proceeded to touch the locks that fell near behind Kyuhyun’s ear with caution, reveling slightly in the sight of the rich color and the silky feel.

Until about midnight, they watched TV and Donghae messed with a small section of Kyuhyun’s hair. Neither said anything about it, or about how the mood had drastically changed. Donghae supposed it was because it was less stressful for both of them, whether Kyuhyun liked pissing Donghae off or not.

When Kyuhyun switched off the television and stirred Donghae as he was on the verge of dozing off again, they turned out the lights and made for Donghae’s room. They managed to pick sides and change clothes without a debate, even getting as far as under the covers without any negative comments.

“Scoot over, it’s hot,” Kyuhyun grumbled, edging away from Donghae in the small space.

Rolling his eyes because, hell, they’d just been cuddling basically on the couch and Kyuhyun wanted space suddenly, Donghae rolled over onto his side and turned off his lamp. And maybe he wasn’t just disgruntled because Kyuhyun was like a woman on menopause. Maybe he was slightly disappointed because of how hard it seemed to fall asleep when minutes before he had been so close to crashing. Maybe it was because Kyuhyun felt so far away in the cramped bed.

.-.-.

Next

A/N: I tried to upload this a bit sooner since the last chapter was so late. Or at least it felt really late because I was without internet for, like, a whole decade. Anyways. I hope you liked this and that the first kiss turned out as good as you were expecting or at least to your satisfaction. I’d love to hear your comments, especially on this chapter since it’s an integral part of the story.